Sunday, 12 August 2007
The Smoking Diaries
I have been deciding for a while now that I want to give up smoking - but know that I can't just stop - doesn't work for me like that. For me the method is this.
1) Decide I am going to give up.
2) Pick a date
3) Binge smoke up to that date
I smoked from the age of 15 up to 31. I stoped in 1986 because HS and I wanted to start a family. I used the stopping method above and it worked for me right up until about three years ago. Then life's stresses closed in and I turned to smoking again. I have stopped once since then for several months - stress got the better of me . . I started again . . . and now I am stopping. . . . again . . . sigh . . .
I chose my stopping date as Monday August 6th - Wildchild's 20th Birthday. I went to my Doctor and got a three week supply of meduim strength patches. I also bought enough rolling tobacco and papers to allow me to binge smoke right up to the 6th August 2012 . . . well you wouldn't have wanted me to run out now would you?
Monday 6th August. This was not a difficult day because I was away from home. Then again Wildchild and the parking ticket was a challenge. . . .
Tuesday 7th August. The patches were clearly working and again this was not a difficult day. Smug!
Wednesday 8th August. First Hurdle. Went out for lunch with a friend who smoked - but as she smokes ready rolled I was not too bothered. However I got home at about 5.00pm to discover no HS . . . I was on my own and I wanted a fag. I put up a help post on the site and was compltely bowled over by the support I received . . . the evening also turned into a chat and help session with Bodran asking for help too and also getting a huge response and then lots of chat over several posts.
Thursday 9th August. Having got over last night's hurdle this was another easy day. Smuggerty smug!
Friday 10th August. Uh oh - HS away on a photo shoot in Inverness from 2.00pm onwards and not coming back untill 11.00 pm ish. I had hoped to go with him, but the aching from the Sjogrens flare up was too bad and I would not have been able to walk around. Feeling a bit guilty about hogging the common room I put up a Fag Watch post . . . berludy hell - I got loads of support . . . Later I chatted to Wizzard on MSN and then read Harry Potter . . . I got through.
Saturday 11th August. Busy day. Saturday evening was always going to be difficult. HS and I used to sit with a bowl of 'special' crips - Walkers sensations . . .and have a glass or three of wine and a few roll ups and chat. One of me regualr mood busting moments.
CONFESSION . . . I had a roll up last night . . . just one . . . it was kind of ok, but no more. I had to go and brush my teeth afterwards because of the taste in my mouth and then have a shower because the smell of fags was following me around. My chest also felt instantly tight.
I am not sorry at all that I had one . . . so no beating myself up there. I may even have one next Saturday . . . if this is what I need to do to eventually give up completely then this is what I will do. My biggest concern was that I was letting everyone who had supported down. I do hope that none of you feel that I have. I don't want to lose your support . . . I WILL kick the habit . . . but may need to lapse now and again withouth judgement.
So thank you to everyone . . . it will be a whole week tomorrow and right now I have no craving at all . . . sticks 93 patches on . .