Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Nothing is as it seems

Nothing is as it seems. A couple of weeks ago I watched a film starring Colin Farrell and Al Pacino . . . it was a spy thriller and the message throughout the film – was - nothing is as it seems. Interesting film lots of twists and turns, but nothing to do with this blog.

Ever been in the situation where someone's phone has phoned yours. They are unaware of the connection, but you can hear everything that is going on the other end. Oh yes. . . .nothing good comes of eaves dropping, even if it is not your fault – you can see where this is going can't you. It is the little things that catch you out.

There was a voice message on my mobile phone – it was a few days old – somehow I had missed it. I dialled my voice messages and idly listened. There was a lot of blurred and distorted noise, bored I almost hung up . . . and then a man spoke. I recognised the voice it was HS. His phone must have been in his pocket and dialled mine at some point . . he said something – I couldn't hear what . . . vaguely interested I listened on and then SHE laughed . . Berludy berludy hell . . .WHAT . . . there was some slut with a REALLY and I mean REALLY dirty laugh, laughing at something MY husband had just said . . . and it went on and on . . . Who the fugger and buck was she trying to impress – well that was obvious . . . and that filthy laugh . . . SNARL And . . . he was clearly enjoying her attention . . berludy berludy hell.

And so with a severe case of wobbly spaghetti fingers and blazing green eyes, not forgetting the abrupt companionship of the red dog of anger snapping none too playfully at my heals I vengefully checked the diary against the date of the phone message . . . no fool me . . . I would have the truth and the identity of miss slutty laugh in no time.

Yup there it was – the day we had moved Wildchild to her new flat . . . . Hah yer barsteward, think I don't know what is going on. . . gottcha . . .

And the slutty bitch with the dirty laugh who was clearly entertaining MY husband with more than the desired effect. . . Yup I knew exactly who SHE was now . . . NOTHING gets passed me . . . yup that wicked slutty bitch with the REALLY dirty laugh . . . . . . . . that would be me . . . . runs away . . .face burning.

Nothing is what it seems.

17 comments:

Blossomcottage said...

Oh dear WW very pink chops you must have, but we have all done thing like that, and isn't terrible when you hear yourself on the phone I hate it.
Very funny and most enjoyable.
Blosoom

Elizabethd said...

I can imagine your blushes!

Pipany said...

Oh that was so funny WW! Poor you though xx

KittyB said...

Oops! Very funny. And you do have a particularly filthy laugh, very infectious! But fancy flirting with your husband, shameless hussy.

Anonymous said...

Harsh words there, WW. And you're such a lovely person.

CJ xx

ChrisH said...

OOh, I thought we'd have to race up with our chainsaws then! Nice to hear about a bit of shameless flirting between spouses.

lampworkbeader said...

Well I'm glad it ended well. You had me worried there.

Casdok said...

I was on the edge of my seat!
You slutty bitch you!! (phew!)

Frances said...

Glad to know that happiness reigns!
xo

Exmoorjane said...

How very funny.......one's own voice on the phone is so weird....I often wonder who the irritating woman with the high-pitched squeak comes from when I play back the ansaphone..... but phew too....

Zoë said...

THAT made me laugh!

So glad it was all just an hysterical mistake!

Zoë xx

Sally's Chateau said...

Wonderfully told WW, had me on the edge of my seat there ...... phew.

DJ Kirkby said...

No way!? Too funny! Yes, I am laughing...

Fern said...

Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, I just can't do the writing thing but feel I can join in a bit with the photos of Cumbria. It's got me into photography again, generally I take the scatter gun approach but even borrowed OH's camera and tripod today for my next blog!
Think you and HS should come down and show us how it's done though, love to see what HS could do with our lakeland landscape which has a slightly different feel to the stunning Scottish one.

Jumping to conclusions is one of my specialities but don't think I'd be as honest as you and admit it, it was very funny though, glad you did.

UN PEU LOUFOQUE said...

EEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK as you would say doe shtis mean you will now have to chainsaaw off your own legs!!!

Fern said...

I am sure one would be enough UPL!

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

Nope better be both with one I could still hop to conclusions . . .