It really is the little things.

I have turned the toaster up' HS announced this morning. 'Thought I had better tell you!'

Um right - not much you can say to that really . . .'er why?'

I was still struggling with the loss of a whole hour this morning and what this meant to my coffee consumption . . .

'Well I have ben leaving it down so that you don't burn anything, but I am just letting you know I have turned it up.'

'OK . . . er thank you, but I'm not eating wheat at the moment . . .so what would I be putting in the toaster?'

HS looked uncomfortable and muttered . . .'well I don't know, but I've left it turned down for you.'

Too good an opportunity to miss I gleefully pointed to his blonde hair . . .

But what really struck me, blonde moment, or not, was the fact that he had been so thoughtful.

It is the little things like that tell me HS loves me.

He has and is being a huge support through the last 18 months with this illness and I never forget that although I am the one with the symptoms he is going through it as well. His support has been unstinting. We have talked a lot and even argued a lot, but he is always there for me. He has taken me to the hospital to see the various consultants and driven me home and listened to me as I worked my way through all that has gone on. He is there when I am in an up mood and there for me on the days that are not so good . . .always there for me.

So thank you HS - your support and all the little things you do really are appreciated. Sometimes words don't seem enough

A Golden Opportunity Part Four

I was upset and angry when I left the hospital after being told I had a form of M.E. I was confused and my mind was all over the place . . . I honestly didn't know what to think. Part of me thought what if this condescending dismissive man has got it wrong . . . My symptoms have been going on since the late seventies, but we didn't dicuss my symptoms, or my history. Or maybe this is a different disorder . . . what if something has been missed, what if I have something that is curable, but has now worsened and could kill me if not treated, what if I have something that is very simply treatable, but has been missed . . . And I still often get moments like this. Then again would I feel the same whatever I had been diagnosed with. I suspect the problem is that there is no pill popping treatment for M.E the whole diagnosis and treatment is a bit vague . . . then again the chances are I wouldn't have taken any pills they offered me anyway . . .unless it was in the form of a replacement pill type hormone thingy . . . the likes of which I already take in the form of Thyroxine. Berlimey talk about all over the place. I also accept that I have to put eyedrops in my eyes and take take acid inhibitors to prevent scarring in my hernai. I hate taking the anti-migraine pills as I don't know long term what they will do to me and have even wondered it the aching is a way of my migraines coming out elsewhere . . . Who knows and that is the thing, medical science is amazing, but there is more to learn than there is actually known.



Then I started to look at what this meant to me and my life. There is a psychological aspect to M.E ie it seems to affect fit and active high achievers . . . but it is a physical disorder and not all in the mind as was thought years ago . . . except there are no tests done in this country to confirm the disease. So could it be that my mind and body are not in harmony . . . that there is a discord that has probably been present for years and now the body having coped for so long is no not able to cope any more. This is true of many diseases, if not all diseases, but that is another debate. And certainly this way of thinking is exactly what I studied in Reflexology and Stress Management. So where does that leave me. Well it leaves me some pretty horrible physical symptoms with no obvious physical cause and mood swings and disabling tiredness and a shrinking life. But it does give me the opportunity for self development and to really look and I mean really look at me as a person. And a chance to look at what is not good in my head that could in turn be throwing my body out of sync.

I have a negative side to me, we all have our negative side. There is and has been a lot of anger in me and I have watched that come out in various ways. I have a judgemental side and a depressive side, I worry to much and push myself to hard, never feel good enough . . .and so on. So my conclusion is that it is now time to come to terms with my 'negative' thinking and to bring it into a more positive focus. It is so much easier to be negative and angry with the world and the people in it than it is to be calm and peaceful and happy. There are so many external influences telling us how to behave and pointing out how we don't measure up . . . berlimey it is amazing any of us ever get through getting up and getting outside the front door every morning. I know I beat myself up each morning because I am not an early riser . . . I judge myself, by how I think others will judge me . . . but really it is me doing the judging. It is me deciding that I am lazy and no good . . . and waking up in a panic. There is of course the question of where all this conditioning came from . . . I could blame my childhood, other people, everyone, but me . . . but it is my thinking, I am responsible for it and I am responsible for changing it.

My feeling is that when I am able to achieve a calmer more peaceful state of mind then I may also achieve a calmer, more peaceful body and perhaps I will start to feel better and if I don't at least I will be able to cope better. I have noticed that walking every day does help me cope with my symptoms, because I feel so much better mentally after a walk. I feel more positive . . .

And with all the above I could be totally barking up the wrong tree, but even if I am there are still parts of my thinking that I know I am ready to change. I recently found myself forgiving my Father and experiencing the liberation that forgiveness brought. I even found myself no longer being angry at the woman who tried very hard to pinch HS off me a few years ago. It is unlikely I would ever trust her again and unlikely we will be friends, but I no longer feel overwhelming anger when I think of her . . .(firmly puts down chainsaw) . . . . and breathe and relax . . . .rrrRRRRrrrRRR . . .sigh . . . well I will work on that one . . .LOL.

Eeeeeek no I am not about to turn into a paragon of virtue even I couldn't stomach me if I did that and let's face it I would no longer be me and living a lie for a completely different set of reasons . . . but I do honestly think I have been given a Golden Opportunity to look at and challenge long entrenched ways of negative thinking in myself and by slowly altering these to gradually improve and enjoy my life in a way I never have before. But no way am I ever giving up my chainsaw . . . .or chocolate . . .or wine . . . .
.

A Golden Opportunity Part Three

So there I sat . . . a little hopeful. Maybe just maybe I was going to get a diagnosis at last. There was no examination though, no looking through my list of symptoms, no discussion about my Hashimoto's and my concern that I seem to be losing a lot more hair lately when I wash it – or that my once pronounced eyebrows are getting a bit, well . . patchy, or that the hairs on my legs have stopped growing. The latter usually a sign I need to take more thyroxine. No discussion about any of these things. He looked at my year old blood tests and said I was on plenty of Thyroxine . . .er what about the symptomatic approach . . . I explained that my Doctor and I were happy with the dose – the consultant didn't comment.

So the pronouncement . . .

'You have, (not may have, but have) Functional Somatic Disorder' . . . .
















'Pardon.'

'Functional Somatic Disorder.'





'Ok so what is that exactly?'

And the answer was 'well we can't medically diagnose you. All the blood tests done by the Rheumatologist are coming back negative. And I know the Rheumatologist very well.' Uh huh sticking together here me thinks. 'And when there is no clinical diagnosis then you come under the umbrella of Functional Somatic Disorder.'

Ah so I don't have Functional Somatic Disorder, but I come under it's umbrella?'

'Yes.'

'Meaning?'

'Well lots of disorders that we can't diagnose with tests come under this M.E., Firbromyalgia, PMS, IBS . . . blah blah blah and studies have shown that psychology plays a part in these diseases.'

'So are you suggesting this is all in my head?'

'No not at all, just that certain personality types fit into this bracket. As studies show.'

' OK! So are you saying I have M.E.?'

' . . well you have a lot of the symptoms although your fatigue doesn't seem to be that severe.' He then drew a diagram with all the various illnesses and explained how the symptoms all overlapped and I was in the overlap somewhere . . .somewhere . . .where?

Wow how clever – he had seen me for ten minutes, on a good day and had already worked out that my fatigue wasn't that bad (really!) and he had worked out what was wrong with me when no-one since the 1970's had been able to. And all this without discussing any of my symptoms and despite the fact that my symptoms aren't typical of any of the things he had mentioned.

He did say that he would arrange for me to have a blood test for my Adrenal Glands, but wasn't expecting anything abnormal. He then went on to say that once I'd had the test then he would ask my Doctor to arrange to Cognitive Therapy to help me cope with my symptoms. I asked about the mouth biopsy that said I had mild chronic inflammation. The consultant flipped through my notes and said he had no such letter! 'But my Doctor is under the impression that I have inflammation in my muscles', I insisted, not that I particularly want inflammation in my muscles, 'but my Doctor was so definite about it.'

' Well the evidence I have here is that you don't,' pronounced the lofty consultant. He then printed off a self help manual on M.E. To be collected at the front desk and said goodbye . . . .

Berlimey . . . do I have M.E, I thought he said I didn't? What is going on. He told me he was printing off some information about Functional Somatic Disorder and gives me a manual on ME.

My first reaction was to be very upset. I didn't want a disease, disorder that had such a stigma attached to it. A disorder that was once thought to be 'yuppy flu' and like depression all you had to do was 'pull yourself together'. Once the consultant had made his pronouncement it was very clear that he was 'done' and just wanted me gone. I felt like a time waster. There was nothing to prove I was ill. All I had now was exactly what I started with – how ill I feel. . . my word against the world. Much much easier in some ways to have a definite disease.

A lot of this reaction stems back to nearly being sacked from work with my days off due to migraines. My employers didn't believe me and wanted me to go into a work when I had a migraine so that they could see for themselves how ill I was. Go into work – but I was constantly throwing up . . . anyway that is another story and discussed in a previous blog. I was and am worried what if 'they' have got it wrong. My vet was diagnosed with M.E – later on turned out he had Q disease. I can never get to grips with people not believing me. I was brought up to tell the truth and am always gob-smacked when I realise people think I am lying. The situation with the migraines and my work cut very deep.

I guess I was worried too about what people would think of me . . . Would people even believe I was ill. After all most of the time I look alright and on the surface can function ok. It is only in private that I know the extent of my illness. Some days I ache, but have energy and feel on top. Some days I ache, have no energy, but still feel on top. Some days I ache, have no energy and feel so down and tearful and doing even the simplest task seems impossible. My aching seems to target different areas on different days. Sometimes my legs and ankles and feet. Sometimes my hands wrists and ankles, sometimes my shoulders – sometime altogether. But always there are specific points. If I knock myself, or hurt myself the pain felt is completely out of proportion with the injury. I fell over in the mud yesterday and know have pain in my hip and back and running down the front of my leg. I know this will last a few of days and be impossible to get comfortable – but from experience it doesn't usually last any longer than that.

One thing I have found is that my World is shrinking. I no longer do drama, have turned down the Uni course I was going to do on person Centred Counselling. I have resigned from all the committees I was on. I do go to the village at least once a week, but rarely go out in the evening now. I was so worried about how I was going to be when KittyB and Faith were here – but I was ok. Same with Blossom, except for one evening I was ok there too. I walk everyday for an hour, or more. Sometimes I come back from the walk still aching, but energised and coping. Other times I struggle to walk. I avoid planning anything in case I can't do it – I hate letting people down. The level of aching does go up and down. I have had periods where it is only just there in the background and I have been able to function pretty normally. Then it all comes back again and I have to live, as now, day to day.

So in short Thursday's sentence left me feeling tearful, and generally pretty hopeless. I was left with an illness, disorder, whatever, that was making my shrinking life hell and although it wasn't causing me any damage and wasn't going to kill me there was no indication of how long it was going to go on for. Interestingly my cousin who has Hashimoto's – also had M.E. We hardly ever speak though . . . Her's lasted two years.

I have started to read my self help manual and so far I am already doing all the self help things they suggest. And have already found out that resting actually seems to make my symptoms worse. Whereas generally I can push through, there are times when I have no choice but to rest. A nasty quirk of nature is that my illness, as with many illnesses, it causes sleep disturbance and like last night once awake the pain keeps me awake. Then I am tired as well as fatigued the next day which means I don't cope as well. I am very reluctant to take pain killers as at one point with my migraines I was taking 15 paracetamol and codeine a day – usually three every three hours when I had a migraine – I don't want to go down the addiction route again. I save them for when things are really bad.

So this was where I was last Thursday at stage one – through the weekend I was rapidly to go through other stages . . . . but will tell you more about that in the next few blogs.

P.S Today is the day I joined CL a year ago year!!!!!!


COMMENTS MOVED OVER FROM NOW DELETED HEALTH BLOG

elizabethd said...
It'd difficult to know how to comment, except to say that you are so constantly cheerful, amusing and such a good Headmistress, and also going through all that too. Very brave.

19 March 2008 06:56


westerwitch/headmistress said...
Thanks ED - sorry yes I think alot of people are finding the same - that it is difficult to know what to say - the blog is being looked a,t but no-one is commenting.

For my part it is something I have been going through for years now and I needed to write it all down and my process of working through it all and how I am coping. I want to get it all out of my head and down on 'paper' and also to share it in the hope that it will reach out to someone. Gawd that sounds terribly noble - but you know what I mean.

19 March 2008 07:10


lampworkbeader said...
WW If it does turn out to be ME there is not stigma about it nowadays. It was years ago that it was called, rather unkindly, yuppie flu, and then only by the really ignorant.
I have know children with ME and there are a lot of things that a person can do to manage the illness, but I am sure you know that as well as anyone.
I have no suggestions to make it better, but i guesss cyber friendship won't make it any worse. So lots of love LWB

19 March 2008 11:55

A Golden Opportunity Part Two.

Things did indeed change in June 2006 – but to explain why I need to back track to Feb 2006. I examine my breasts now and again – not as often as I should I know – and I found an abnormality. It wasn't a lump, just odd – not quite right. I went to the Doctor who was pretty certain that is was not a tumour. He however referred me to hospital anyway just in case. I wasn't seen until May – but I was a non urgent case. I had expected to be told everything was ok and that would be an end of it. Instead I was given all sorts of tests including needle biopsy, mammogram, and a scan. The scan and mammogram were inconclusive on one side, but showed a shadow on the other side – the 'normal' side. Another scan at a later time showed this to be a cyst which was drained there and then.

The consultant was still not happy and decided to remove the abnormal material by surgery. This was done in Stirling general in the middle of June. I also had another lump removed as well, which came up a couple of weeks before the surgery. A biopsy was taken of the abnormal tissue and the lump. Long story short , my lump was made from dis-organised cells and I was told I have Fibrocystic Breast Disease – a benign condition. Phew big relief. The abnormality I had felt was enlarged milk glands – a condition called Duct Ectasia another benign condition. So although I am liable to have cysts and lumps pop up from time to time it is unlikely to be anything to worry about.

A week after the operation I started aching. Inconvenient, but been through it before, so just thought it is a time thing. Then the weeks started to go by and the aching continued and got worse. I still tried to ignore it. We were in the process of selling our house to Lixtroll and peat and moving ourselves into the newly rebuilt Steading. I put it down to a viral thing plus stress.

Two months went by and still no sign of relief and I was becoming worried. I went to see the Doctor. He thought I had a rheumatic type condition and gave me steroids. Which helped, but seriously upset my stomach. He then tried various treatments before referring me to a Rheumatologist. I got an appointment in November 2006. It was then I was told I had Sjogren's Syndrome and put on anti malarial tablets. No not because I had been playing with mosquitoes, but because the pills have a side effect of relieving the aching associated with Sjogren's. I was given various blood tests to confirm the Sjogren's and it was assumed that this was just a formality. I already had the dry eyes, dry nose and aching. They did the Schirmer test on my eyes which confirmed that I had dry eye disease. I had to stop taking the anti malarial pills in January because I had thought they were upsetting my stomach.

Then in March 2007 I went to see the Rheumatologist again - all blood tests had came back negative. So I was left no-where. More tests ensued. A mouth biopsy was booked, but that took months to come through. All the blood tests were coming back within normal range. I was left hanging with no further appointment until after the mouth biopsy and with no idea what was going on with me. And with no form of treatment. In the end we paid for me to see a private consultant. I unfortunately saw the same one that I was seeing on the NHS – he was a bit less dismissive of me as a private patient, but not much. He came up with a few more blood tests. They all proved negative. I finally had the mouth biopsy in October – nearly a year after I first went to see the consultant. The mouth biopsy showed that I had mild chronic inflammation, but not what was causing it and confirmed that I didn't have Sjogren's. I expressed surprise at the mild bit of the inflammation – my Doctor said that my symptoms fluctuated and a biopsy of my muscles during a bad flare up would confirm chronic inflammation. But at least this proved I had inflammation.

After all this I got a letter in the November from my consultant saying there was nothing more they could do for me and they didn't need to see me again. No referral, no advice - nothing – just dumped. I felt very let down.

Also at some point during all this between breast problems and aching, my mammogram results got lost along with all my notes which made life difficult when seeing anyone at the hospital. I complained on several occasions, but everyone just seemed to shrug and come up with all the problems of the hospital. My notes appear to have been found now, but were missing for about a year. So as you can imagine my faith in the NHS has taken a battering over the last 21 months.

Meanwhile In December I was sent to have a gastroscopy - which showed that my stomach problems (which had started in January) were being caused by a Hiatus Hernia . . .The time delay here was me – I refused to go for the tube down the throat treatment . . . I had had it done before without sedation and didn't like it. This time I noisily demanded the drugs and got them. Much better. I didn't see the consultant afterwards was just told you have a hernia – go and see your Doctor in two weeks . . .er thanks . . .Thank goodness for the internet. Every patient being diagnosed at the hospital where I have been should be told how to Google their symptoms it is the only way they are going to find any information on what is wrong with them.

I went back AGAIN to my Doctor. Firstly to discuss medication for my Hiatus Hernia. I took and still take the acid inhibitors – to avoid scarring of the stomach wall in the future. I was given other pills to empty my stomach quicker. I have stopped taking these as I didn't like the side effects and didn't feel they helped at all. Next on my list I asked my wonderful patient (sorry pun) if seeing a Endocrinologist would be a good idea in case my aching and tiredness symptoms were linked to my Hashimoto's. He agreed and a letter went off. I was hopeful. I hadn't seen a consultant about my Hashimoto's since 2004 and there were a few questions I wanted to ask – plus the aching and symptoms I had were very similar to the ones I'd had in the couple of years before I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. My Doctor also said that if we drew a blank with the Endocrinologist then we could look at seeing an immunologist. He felt it was important to get a diagnosis and treatment and a prognosis of what was going on with me.

I got an appointment to go and see the consultant on March 13th at 14.30. One minute I was hopeful and the next thinking it was a waste of time . . then I thought this is just part of the elimination process and necessary.

So last Thursday I went to see the Consultant. We ended up not discussing the Hashimoto's at all. He clearly had read through my blood tests and some of my history and had already made up his mind as to what was wrong with me before he even met me, or examined me. I had written out a list of all my symptoms in the hope that this would help with the diagnosis – the Consultant said 'thanks for that', but didn't even glance at it, or ask to examine me. Then he sat there and told me what he thought was wrong with me . . . Quick bombshell and here's the door . . . . although I had trouble understanding what he was saying and kept asking questions. I was told that I would be tested for Adrenal gland function (I think this will be at my Doctor's but I was having trouble concentrating), but that he fully expected it to be ok. So I was sent home with a self help manual to read and a head full of questions, eyes full of tears and a heart full of lead. I felt dismissed yet again. But I will go into what happened and how I am coming to terms with it all in the next few blogs.

COMMENTS MOVED OVER FROM HEALTH BLOG

milla said...
Bloody hell, have just read the last two at a sitting and am gob-smacked. How do you keep so cheerful! No wonder you've made a friend of a chainsaw, sounds like it needs to be revved at the consultant. And the ninny who lost your notes. You poor thing (mindful of Ivy: this is NOT sympathy ...!)

18 March 2008 07:07


suffolkmum said...
I've just done the same as Milla - read it all in one go. Without meaning to sound like a rubbernecker I am keen to know what his diagnosis is, and whether it has helped or not (or indeed is accurate). Talk about going through the mill. x

18 March 2008 07:19


chrish said...
Had a rather bruising encounter with a consultant last week myself - got rather brusque treatment for daring not to have osteoporisis like Ma. Left reeling but well - goodness know how you're coping after your session.

18 March 2008 09:40


tattie weasle said...
I love the NHS for emergencies but for everything else it can be a problem perhaps taking your trusty chainsaw along??? No perhaps we don't want them getting the wrong idea! We DO need you around you know...
Like so many I think you are QUITE QUITE amazing!

18 March 2008 13:48


cait o'connor said...
I agree with all that has been said, you are are amazing. I look forward to hearing the diagnosis.

18 March 2008 15:00


exmoorjane said...
My God, you must have been spitting blood (well, obviously I don't mean literally spitting blood) but so much ineptitude....makes me want to rev up my own chainsaw. jxxxx

19 March 2008 04:27

A Golden Opportunity Part One

At last I have diagnosis of what is wrong with me. Which has invoked all sorts of emotions. Proving again that you never know how you are going to react to in any given situation until you are actually faced with it.

So to get this all straight in my head I am going to take a leaf out of Country Craft Angels book and blog it through.

I have had a life dogged with ill health. Migraines from the age of 11 – happily they are at long last under control with medication and have been for four years. I have Hashimoto's Disease, a Hiatus Hernia, tinnitus, intermittent IBS and possibly the beginnings of diverticulitis. I used to have severe clinical depressions, but that has lifted and I haven't suffered from it since the 80's. I am also an anorexia sufferer – although it is very much under control now . . . then again that is what anorexia is all about isn't it - control. All of my 'illnesses, disorders, syndromes – whatever you want to call them are controllable (that word again) either with pills, or diet and I have been pretty much able to live a normal life. And most of the above have happened later in life and therefore it is not unexpected for health problems to appear as you get older.

Running alongside this since the late 70's has been my flu like aching and tiredness. It used to appear a couple of times a year usually for about a month, or so and was very debilitating. I put it down to having flu, or some virus. It rarely lasted longer than a month. At some point I was sent to the hospital and investigated for rheumatism and arthritis, but all tests came back clear. It was very worrying at the time of each bout to feel so ill, especially as I couldn't work and there was always the fear of losing my job . . . as had almost happened with my migraines. However each time all the symptoms would gradually go away and then vanish completely. I would get all my energy back and life would go on as before.

I had my children in the late 80's. Both by caesarian as I had high blood pressure both times and placenta previa with the first pregnancy, but apart from that the pregnancies went well. Although I landed up in hospital a month before Wildchild was born with a corker of a migraine and high blood pressure – I was kept in for a month. I was sooooo noisy they put me in a side ward . . . we were all having too much fun in the pre-natal ward and my blood pressure was through the roof. They tried sedating me – but gave up as it had no effect – my room was out of bounds to all my new friends, but there was no stopping me. Still I had a hoot and came out of it with a gorgeous baby. Second time around – ended up in hospital again with a migraine and high blood pressure. I didn't take to any of the girls I was on the ward with, so I behaved myself and was let home until I went back in for the caesarian.

I loved being a Mum, but bringing up two children when you have severe migraines was pretty grim at times – but the good times were far more than the bad healthwise and somehow I got through it.

Then in the early 1990's the usual twice yearly aching kicked in, but this time it didn't go. It dragged on week after week. I had no energy and yet somehow I had to continue looking after the children and also running my children's clothing business. My Doctor did some blood tests and said all was fine and then tried to tell me I was depressed which was making me ill. I tried to explain that I was ill which was bringing me down – but I wasn't depressed. No-one listened. Two years went by. I had some remission – but when the aching and tiredness did come back it was always for months at a time and I was scared that it would never stop. It was a very black time for me. I can remember sitting and staring into space wondering if this was it for the rest of my life. I hit rock bottom and really didn't know how I was going to go on.

I had no quality of life and was getting really desperate. I changed Doctors within the practice and then EVERYTHING changed. The new Doctor, a woman, had me tested for an underactive thyroid. Apparently I had been tested before and because my blood tests were borderline the previous Doctor had chosen not to treat me . . . he didn't even discuss it with me. My new blood tests came back borderline also, but my Doctor decided to treat me for my symptoms. And within six weeks HELLOO LIFE . . . I was taking Thyroxine which as far as I was concerned was a miracle drug. I no longer ached, I had energy, life was good again. Yes I still had the migraines, but I'd always had those and life in-between them was amazing. Interestingly I developed Tinnitus at the same time as the underactive thyroid.

Bless my Doctor she still wasn't satisfied and sent me to see an Endocrinologist because she was wondering if I had Hashimoto's disease.

MMMMmmmm I saw the consultant. He had a room full of students and was clearly showing off. He asked my to lift up my chin and swallow . . . which showed off my enlarged Thyroid gland and said that yes I had Hashimoto's Yup that was it no blood tests no history taking – no discussion just swallow and diagnose. He then put me on a massive dose of thyroxine replacement – saying that my thyroid was going to fail completely anyway so might as well get me on the dose I would eventually be taking.

Within a few weeks I was climbing the walls. I was paranoid, tight with tension the whole time, anxious, having heart palpitations and panic attacks . . .in short I was on a massive overdose of Thyroxine. My lovely Doctor put me back on a much lower does and explained that I would need to play around with my dosage until I found what suited to me and that it was not uncommon for it to take two years to get the dosage right. Plus as the Hashimoto's killed my thyroid I would need to increase my Thyroxine over time. I have indeed played around with the dosage over the years and my current Doctor is happy for me to control my own symptoms in this way.

And so life went on and up until 18 moths ago I had been fairly stable. Bouts of aching and tiredness still came and went, but no prolonged spells of feeling ill. Gradually my Thyroxine increased over the years from 50mcg to 225mcg – with a few hiccups in my dosage, but nothing catastrophic.

Four years ago, after I had been through the menopause, medication that hadn't previously worked on preventing my migraines suddenly did and just like that I had my life back , I could plan ahead and things were looking good.

But all that changed dramatically at the end of June 2006.

Comments moved over from Health blog

lampworkbeader said...
Hi WW I am afraid to say I haven't even heard of some of the things you have to live with on a daily basis, other's are only too familiar.
Take care of yourself and continue listening to your body..love LWB

16 March 2008 10:21


littlebrowndog said...
Crikey, WW - that all sounds pretty horrendous! I too get migraines - although thankfully not as regularly as it sounds like you do - and know how utterly debilitating they can be. Will read your continued story with interest.

LBD xx

16 March 2008 10:22


chrish said...
Hmm, I feel somewhat ashamed of having a bit of a grizzle when you (and LBD above) are coping with so much. Migraines are difficult enough in themselves - I go through phases of them - but put them with all the other symptoms you've had to deal with and I wonder that you've achieved so much.

16 March 2008 11:04


faith said...
Poor you, it all sounds so horrible, and yet you seemed so vibrant when Kitty and I visited. Two out of my three sisters, and a dear friend of mine, have had thyroid problems so I know what all that is about - shudder.

16 March 2008 11:47


cait o'connor said...
I hope you get things sorted WW. I hardly ever get a migraine now, one of the (many!) joys of coming through the menopause.Have you tried cranial osteopathy by the way? And Reiki or healing. I can recommend both.

16 March 2008 15:16


cowgirl said...
Oh, WW, what a lousy time. And not just for a little while either. You manage so well, you make me ashamed of the times when I have my mini-meltdowns (quite often at present). The key seems to be a great GP, thank heaven's yours is one of these, do take care.

xxxx

17 March 2008 00:27


exmoorjane said...
Yup, ditto to what the others have said. YOu have a plateful and no question about it. I do hope you're very kind to yourself through all this..and know what's coming next! jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19 March 2008 04:22

Junk Mail and how to deal with it.

Well we all get it don't we? Reams of unwanted junk mail stalking us through the letterbox.

Ah hah . . .but I have a tried and trusted method of halting the flow considerably if not quite stopping it altogether.

DON'T throw your junk mail away - no honestly don't, or recycle it . . Leave it for a few days and when you have a small collection of your junk mail available lay all the envelopes out in a line. Open them and take out all the envelopes so kindly supplied by each company and lay them out in a line too and then swap all the junk mail around into each other's envelopes, plus the envelope it arrived in and send it off. Alot of junk mailers don't provide envelopes anymore (cheapaskates) - so just re-use one of the other junk mail envelopes . . putting the new address on the front. Or if the envelope is too small cut the address off and stick onto another envelope. Ok I know you will have to stump up for the cost of the glue, or celloptape . . . but it is worth it just to stem the flow of junk.

I usually add a note to each letter saying - you send me your junk mail and I will send you mine.

Also for mail shot charity letters sent with a pen, or other gimmick - I return the pen, or gimmick. I personally would prefer to give to my chosen charities directly rather than contribute financially to the mail shot company, plus I don't want the 'guilt' of having the pen etc.

I have been doing this for many years now and my junk mail has reduced a great deal. And (ooooo love starting a sentence with And) in all the years I have been doing it I have only every had one company phone me up and tell me that I had sent them something by mistake . . . .HAH I had a wonderful time explaining that no it was quite deliberate . . .

Pity we can't do the same with email - I have tried to forward emails to different companies - but usually the email address bounces back. So I just keep on adding them all to my spam box.

So you can't beat them . . . join them and have fun.

My Homework

My Homework



Well its about berludy time really . . . they have both done their homework.

So back to Friday 29th February. I had spent a couple of days Spring cleaning the house. Partly because - well it needed it and it always makes me feel internally calm when the house is clean and partly because we were about to get two visitors. Plus these visitors although staying in Cesspit Cottage would be spending a fair bit of time in our house. And no-one writes in my dust.

Well you know what it is like when guests are arriving you can't settle. So I spent the morning fussing around, doing everything and achieving nothing. The weather got worse and worse with sky black, huge gusts of wind chucking gouts of water at the house. Our living room is up in the eves and therefore it gets a bit noisy when the weather is rough.

The 'girls' finally arrived about 15.00. The weather had calmed for a brief spell. And there they were spilling out of Kitty's car chatting away, producing cakes and pink champagne and chocolates and bags and gifts, including a voucher from La Senza from Faith . . and more chatter. We all piled over to Cesspit Cottage which met with their instant approval. Then HS and I left Kitty and Faith to get settled and come over to ours when they were ready.

And later they did indeed arrive and tea was drunk and then wine opened and chocolate and lemon fairy cakes consumed. Oh and Kitty is an amazing cook. At least I think that was the order of how things went . . it all seemed to happen in a laughter filled blur. HS cooked Lasagne and we were then joined by Lixtroll and Humpty. We had our first ever official Purplecoo meeting - and out of that came alot of good ideas about the Calendar . .books . . .galleries . . .we shall see - might work, might not. We ate and drank and all got on . . .well I could say like a house on fire . . . berlimey. I of course - true to form said very little.

I won't say too much about Faith and Kitty as they themselves chose not to. In brief Faith is tall and has a quiet confident air about her. She kept reminding me of my late Aunt that I was very close to. Kitty is smaller - fractionally shorter than me and has a charming confidence about her - they both have a wicked sense of humour. Faith is fair and Kitty dark. Very different people and yet we all gelled. Think it was late before we all retired. Worn out.

Then Saturday . . . berlimey another blur of a day . . . Faith went off with HS to do her shoot and I dragged KittyB out on one of my favourite walks. So lovely to be able to share something that I enjoy so much with a Purplecooer. We were out for a couple of hours and got back just as Faith and HS had finished Faith's shoot. We had lunch and then it was Kitty's turn to be photographed. I quickly washed the dogs as they had 'rolled' and then sat and chatted to Faith.

Shoots over – time for wine and cooking. I had chosen to cook a dish that requires a lot of fiddling about and so we all mucked in only to discover no cooking oil . . . .eeeeek how did I forget that. We all took the opportunity to go down to our local village and show it off whilst I raided the Co-op for oil. . .I took money this time so the chainsaw stayed at home.

Then back to Château Cesspit and then we opened the wine and finished cooking. Another evening filled with chatter and eating and drinking and cementing new found friendship. Once again I of course said very little – content just to listen . . .

Where did the time go. What happened it was already Sunday. Kitty and Faith went over to do a few more shots in the studio – then they very kindly cooked breakfast for us and then . . .and then . .they were gone. . . .sob . . .and our weekend was all over.

Thank you to both Kitty and Faith we had a brilliant weekend. You were both excellent company and both HS and I hope it won't be too long before we meet you again.

I have seen the photos and said what I think to each of you . . .in short for both of you excellent . . .yes yes I know I am biased as HS was the photographer, but I am also his harshest critic . . . I think the work you all produced was first class.

A day in the life of Westerwitch

I am up bright and early every morning come summer and winter, rain, or shine at 5.00am oiling and sharpening my trusty chainsaw. Only kidding. . . . about the 5.00am bit that is . . .

I am one of the lucky ones – I work from home, am totally self employed and can make my hours up to suit myself. I am not an early bird . . . so 8.30 – 9.00 will see me greeting the day along with a cup of tea from HS. I agonised over telling you how late I get up and I feel so guilty . . but pah . . .I have a chainsaw and I don't care.

Once up I have a very light Muller type rice snack and coffee – to avoid too much wheat. I feed the goldfish and tropical fish and get Cyd's food out of the freezer – then I feed the dogs. Once fed a mad scrabbling ensues at the French windows – by the dogs I hasten to add, not me and we all pile out into the day to pee and poo . . . THE DOGS . . . sigh . . . . . and then we go and say hello to the sheep and give them their hay and feed. We used to feed and let the chickens out at this point – but no more thanks to Mr Fox. If the weather is bad I take the sheep's food up to the newly build lean to and slightly over shelter – if not I feed them down by the gate.

The dogs and I then set off for our morning walk – sometime accompanied by HS. For the last 18 months I have suffered with this annoying aching all over - as though I have flu – but a walk in the morning usually helps a lot. It certainly lifts my mood and the aches definitely seem to recede into the background. I love walking around where we live it is soooooo beautiful and looks different ever day. I often take my camera and easily loose an hour snapping away.

Back from the walk – more Muller Rice and coffee and then onto the computer.

First job is to check and answer enquires for Cesspit Cottages and to follow through with any bookings. Then I deal with the advertising, pay any bills blah blah blah – although most of the latter is done on a Monday along with going to the mobile bank – taking the Cottage laundry to . .well . . the laundry – getting rid of the bottles at the bottle bank and so on. Saturday is usually turn over and cleaning day. Friday I might much out our house.

And (look Milla I am starting a paragraph with And . . .revs chainsaw) at last on to my favourite bit of the day . . . Purplecoo. I check through the posts and comment on the ones that I haven't commented on from the night before. Every single comment from the Common Room is emailed to me by the site and I do read EVERY single one . . .so beware . . .At this point I also answer emails from Purplecooers that have come in overnight. I then move onto the Forum and have a trawl through. If I am taking part in a discussion then I am alerted to replies – as you all can be. As for the rest I just go through and read everything. I can, I think, have every comment in the Forum emailed to me as well – but my email in-box might get a bit swamped – so I just wander through the forums. I also answer my PM's at this point. Once up to date I then move onto the Blog Announcements and see who has blogged. I then read and comment on those blogs – time allowing. I am also still trying to catch up everyone's Day in the Life Of.

The above I then do all over again periodically throughout the day – such is the beauty of working for yourself.

A lot of my time used to be taken up by studying and I was indeed planning to do my training for the Person Centred Counselling this coming September. I have however turned down my place – partly because of the aching – I simply could not cope with a course right now and partly because I have decided to return to my writing. I have a children's book written ready for editing. It was, a long time ago, given the thumbs up by my agent – once I had done the re-writing of course. I have spent several years running away from it all (mainly because of the previous let down over the TV series and publication of a previous book . . . after which I decided I was poooo). So now I am back to writing and all that entails during a working day. I am currently re-reading my book and making notes and planning how to move forward. The book has a good story, but needs a lot of work and is full of holes – but nothing I can't fix . . .I did actually have my fingers crossed as I said that – gawd what if I really am poooo. Will also need to find another Agent . . . mine fled the country . . .eeeek. . . .see pooooooo.

I usually work up until six with frequent breaks throughout the whole day to check on PC and answer emails, read comments etc and today I have done a lot of playing in the Forum and we now have a Private Forum taaaaa daaaa . . .there you see how easy it is to avoid writing. And next I am going to do water changes in all three tanks for my fish . . .eeeek is that the time – tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.

HS and I usually get together and cook and eat about seven and then 'blob' for the evening although my trusty computer is never far away and I frequently check on PC. It is at this point that HS might complain a bit as although we live and work in the same house we do have our own office each and don't see much of each other through the day and to have me ignoring him and tappety tapping on the computer all evening does get a bit much sometimes.

We tend to watch TV together at around nine – usually a drama, or film – although I confess I do have the soaps on earlier in the evening . . . as moving wallpaper. Not that I would dream of watching them, or listening to them . . .goodness me no . . . .

I am a late bird and bedtime is often not until after midnight – HS as well. Then I take painkillers and read until the painkillers dampen down the aching and then I go to sleep. Ready to start the day at the crack of 5.00am . . . . with my trusty chainsaw.

So that's me . . . and barely a mention of a chainsaw . . .which is bright yellow by the way.