Sunday, 23 September 2007

Diaries are for smoking . . .

SMOKING DIARIES for the past two weeks.

Ptooooooey . . . before we even start Milla and Fennie – don't you dare point those loaded comments at me . . . .

So have I been bad – of course I berludy well have . . .have I been good – yes that too.

The wrong end of the stick
it is there for the grabbing
And the bush to be beaten
And excuses for a stabbing

I can make up dozens of excuses for smoking. The slightest thing can cause me stress, if I choose, and off I go puffing again, with only a trace of guilt.

See fools rushing in
where not an Angel steps
is there looking in the leaping
But spontaneity in there yet

If I tell myself I can't smoke then I rebel against myself and indeed I rebel against anyone that tries to reinforce that . . .whether they are right, or wrong . .then again who is to judge.

Van Goghs lends an ear for music
Words in pictures a thousand times
Do you know who to follow now
Or is this for the blind

If I tell myself I can smoke and then the attraction goes up in smoke . . .but not completely. . . .sigh . . .

If your name be Thomas
Would you doubt me yet
Are my spots for counting
A leopard in the bet

So where does that leave me . . here of course.

Do I want to give up smoking . . yes . . eventually. So what am I doing about it. I am doing it my way. I have gone from 35 a week to a mere 5 . . now I think that is a massive improvement and the more I don't smoke the better I feel and the more aware I am of the instant effects when I do smoke and the less I want to smoke . . but I am not quite, not QUITE ready to stop yet . . .

There are many squares to see
But one I am not at
The smoke from this chimney
Still has lives of a cat

There was someone on this site . . .so sorry i can't remember who – who said that to give up they cut down to just Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights and then eventually stopped. I can see that working for me.

So Granny look to your eggs
And to horses bearing gifts
Remove the cock that crows
And bulls here to Poo . . .(no I know it doesn't rhyme but I couldn't put what did.)

So I am not giving up on giving up . . I am doing it my way. Life is pretty good at the moment so the goal now is to only smoke on Saturday night before dinner – whilst watching X-Factor and enjoying a bottle of wine.

Stable door and bolted
but the horse never left
Brass tacks are everywhere
on the right side of bed.

So progress is is then . . .and I am doing it my way.



Inthemud said...

Don't be so harsh on yourself, it's not easy giving up and you are doing so well 35 down to 5 that is fantastic! Keep persevering !!

toady said...

So pleased that you aren't beating yourself up, You're doing very well just by cutting down. I'm rooting for you.

Pondside said...

....and your way is the only way that is going to work for you - so hang in there and just do what works. It's a hard thing you're doing and we're all rooting for you!

Withy Brook said...

You are doing soooo well! 35 to 5 is absolutely amazing. I'm sure that as time goes by, somewhere inside yourself you will begin to feel that if you can do without them most of the time you do not really need them at all. Not for a while yet, I expect, but surely it will happen!

lampworkbeader said...

Brilliant achievement. Now count up how much you've saved and give yourself a big pat on the back. On the other hand you may be just soooo rich that you don't care how much you spend. In that case, it's still a brilliant achievement.

Anonymous said...

Great achievement. Concentrate on the positives, no point dwelling on the negatives!

Casdok said...

As an ex smoker i know how hard it is. So you are doing fabulosly well and are on the right track. You will get there in your own time. So congratulate yourself!
Love the poetry!!

Faith said...

Every cigarette you cut out has got to improve your health, so well done. Caught Hub3 smoking at the rally this weekend- naughty boy!

Anonymous said...

Your way will be the only way and the right way. I know, having lived with my fil who smoked around 40 per day, that giving up is very difficult. I hear Paul McKenna is quite good. Have you seen his methods?

Crystal xx

Suffolkmum said...

Well done, fantastic, stick with it.

Elizabethd said...

You're doing brilliantly in such a short time. Keep encouraging yourself.

DJ Kirkby said...

Down to 5 a week? Thats absolutly amamzing! Well done!

ChrisH said...

Give yourself a pat on the back - you've made brilliant progress (and if you stick at it for 6 weeks you'll have made a brand new, reduced smoke habit - how bad is that?).

@themill said...

I'm an occasional smoker myself. Can go for weeks and not have one, but if I think I'm not ALLOWED one then I have one. Stroppy cow that I am.

Queen Vixen said...

Do it your way! One small change in a pattern can open the door to more. If you feel deprived and that you are NEVER going to be able to smoke again then you will probably just stick two fingers up to it anyway. You are doing it right!

PS: I am hoping for a pipe this christmas. I have put it on my list along with a bag of herbal smokes (the legal sort) and have my fingers crossed.

Milkmaid said...

That'll be me then, the weekend only smoker, until I eventually gave up altogether, you are doing really well, I used to still manage about 20 over a weekend
My little Bro is in love with a non smoker and that is having a dramatic effect on his smoking, except he hardly smokes at weekends when he see her and smokes a bit during the week still, i can see him packing up soon too, it's basically all about reducing the craving and weaning yourself off slowly - good job have a big red tick and an A

Pipany said...

Well I think you're doing brilliantly too! Can't be easy and what with the stress of keeping all us naughty purplecooers in line..... xx

CAMILLA said...

You are doing wonderfully Westerwitch, the 5 in a box does it for me, although sometimes I do manage to slip if the Stress Buster thingy has it's way. My daughter said that Saturday night was the most difficult, so she is with you there. I love your blogs, so full of brilliant wit and charm.

Exmoorjane said...

HUGE pat on back, WW......very well done. Proud of you.
You damn well do it your way, girl.

And, re your lovely comment..... the drink - any time! The maudlin bit and the poke - you're on. Jxxxxx

Posie Rosie said...

You are doing really well, you are definately making progress, don't give up!! (and by that I don't mean don't give up smoking!!)

Fennie said...

Oh WW, I have been derelict - and look what happens! Still if you are minus thirty a week that can't be bad. Besides if we ever get to meet I would really like to share a roll-up with you, just, as it were for old times sake, though I suspect by then you will have given up and won't want to be tempted. Ah well. Keep at it kid. The main thing is to have fun. You know that old pianist, used to smoke 60 a day - forgotten his name for the moment. He was asked when he turned 99 to what he attributed his long life. He replied if he had known he was going to live as long he would have taken better care of his health. A happy person will always live longer than a sad one and depression is the biggest killer.
So let's just whoop, whoop, whoop away. And besides who could imagine 'here's looking at you kid' spoken otherwise than through reams of wispy smoke?

annakarenin said...

Oh poor you, so glad I never started. Can't even stick to no glasses of wine on weekdays to lose half a stone. Managed for one week then one Monday there was a bottle already open which would have been useless by Friday so.... . Anyway keep at it my mother always says 'slow and sure wins the race' and giving up for good is your ultimate goal so better gradual than giving up completely and then back on to them big time at the first hiccup. You are doing fine.

Anyway great to hear about meeting Blossom. Think I would be nervous of meeting anyone like you were. I certainly would get flustered and manic and talk to much and then get all paranoid afterward. You seem to have handled it remarkably well in my book.

Tattie Weasle said...

Only five a week - Dear Charlie says that means you've done it! Congratulations! just don't try to have your weekly allowance all in the one hour like he does - it just does not count. Well done - you're doing brill!!!!!!