Sunday, 10 June 2007

Tunnels and lights





I thought I would do this particular Blog to cheer up any mother and indeed father . . . currently locked into the teenage battle.

Been there with both son and daughter. . . . thought it would never end – couldn't wait for either child to leave home – whilst dreading it at the same time . . .

Worked out that my teenagers, maybe all teenagers needed to hate me (well no, not all teenagers actually hate me personally – but hate their own home situation – then again maybe all teenagers do hate me, . . . I always avoid gangs of them when I am out – sure they are looking at me a bit funny, or is that just paranoia,) so yes all teenagers hate living at home in order to make it ok for them to leave and to become independent . . . blah blah you know what I mean . . . horribly over simplified, but you can see it all going on in front of you and understand why they are being so unreasonable horrible to their angelic parents.

I did wonder if I would ever get to be friends with my daughter ever ever again. At one point in our relationship just speaking without rowing was my goal. But she has left home now – been gone two years actually. I have managed to let go and guess what we get on really really well – she evens phone me for advice. Yes really and truly.

I am learning to let go of our son too, although still have little outbursts of have you done this and that now and again. Especially recently with signing of the contract of his new flat share – he avoids me on MSN – but I am getting better. I am proud of him though.

So here is a little tale of going to the cinema in Falkirk – a couple of weeks ago – the whole family meeting up to spend quality time together and . . . Phoaarrr - went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 . . . . . three hours of Captain Jack Sparrow . . . . phoaarrrr - oh and the film was berludy brilliant as well.

Unknown to me Wildchild - daughter of Happy Snaper and me - Westerwitch - had stolen my fart machine and remote control and hidden the fart machine in my shoulder bag . . . . she let the machine off just as we all got up to leave after the film (don't know how she managed to not let it off before – I wouldn't have been that patient) . . . . . . I was crying so much with laughter that I was completely helpless. Then when I could finally see through the tears the whole family had rushed on ahead of me - but the remote has quite a range, so it kept going off in my bag and I couldn't find it to turn it off. . . . which in turn doubled me up laughing all over again – much to the amazement of the other people leaving the cinema. I don't think we are actually banned from the cinema – just got a lot of disapproving looks.

Then we went for a meal in Pizza Hut and Wildchild and I let the fart machine off in Pizza hut toilets. Hoots of laughter. Don't think we are banned from there either . . .more disapproving looks though – good grief . .

Then much to our hysterical merriment as we prepared to go home we discovered that unlocking the car with the car beeper thingy and then starting the car also set the machine off. So we sat in the car park starting the car, turning off the engine and starting it again and howling with laughter the whole time - I very nearly had to let HS drive home I was laughing sooooo much. I don't think we are banned from the car park . . . . yes more looks . . .and some of them from teenagers – pah that'll 'learn' them to look at me funny! Ptooooeeeey.

Wildchild you are every bit as disreputable as your mother and I am so very proud of you. . . . . but also very very proud of both of us that we have now got such a good relationship. . . . . now about that grandchild . . . .


NB Left to right - Wildchild's Other half, Wildchild and our Son.

19 comments:

UN PEU LOUFOQUE said...

I am so glad to see you share such simpl efamily pleasures as an eveing out at teh cinema.. I would not bet you haevn't been banned,after all you haven't tried going back yet have you!

Pondside said...

I have to make sure that no one from my family is EVER looking over my shoulder as I read your blog. That is exactly the kind of think that the Great Dane would find hilarious. He has a dry sense of humor (most of the time no one gets his jokes at all) paired with a very broad almost slapstick physical funny bone.
Your children are gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

I have a 7 year old daughter, Amy, who finds toilet humour fabulous and would love a fart machine! Sounds like your nurturing of those lovely children has paid off. What a wonderful mum you are! I fear Amy won't ever be able to leave me and I hope I can be a wonderful mum to her too.

countrymousie said...

Well have the grandchild now and as you know, am so proud of her.
Enjoy you children whilst you may,
they will become parents themselves all too soon.
Loved the blog just what was needed on another dreary day here in Suffolk - meant to be 25C and hot sunshine - not a bit of it today!!! The whole world seems to have seen Pirates except me!!

lixtroll said...

Westerwitch and her fart machine are a force to be reckoned with! A mix a bit too ripe for human consumption - lordy you have made me laugh out loud now! Banned from car parks, cinemas and restaurants country wide . . .

Faith said...

Somehow I found this blog hilarious - although I'm actually a shy, retiring type, not into fart machines at all!

CAMILLA said...

Brilliantly funny blog dear Westerwitch. Lovely photo too of "offspring". Mine left the nest fifteen years ago, so no more washing,ironing, cooking, clearing up mess. My daughter was the rebellious one, son of the studious type, but both have great senses of humour, which is a great thing to have in a sometimes world of chaos. Thank you for cheering me up.
Camilla.xxx

Suffolkmum said...

Lovely funny blog, I was starting to shake with laughter too reading this. How lovely to have come through the wilderness years and all enjoy each others company again .. I've got it all ahead of me - gulp.

Exmoorjane said...

Oh God, no, don't let James know there is such a thing as a fart machine?! He is inordinately proud of his own natural ones and a dab hand with a sneaky whoopee cushion but a real machine? Aaaghh no. Isn't it wonderful when you start laughing and just can't stop. I need a dose of that.

You're a fab writer, WW..... I think sometimes we do just lose our way a bit....and need to be lured back onto the path..... jxx

elizabethm said...

loved this, westerwitch. have not caught up with you for a while, think you were headmistressing rather than blogging last time i looked! adult children are great aren' they? loved mine all the way along the line (although was not good with small babies) but this has to be the best.

snailbeachshepherdess said...

lovely blog...had a real good laugh ..and then I went to the one below and laughed even more!

Blossomcottage said...

I've got a fart machine it works all night no baterries its called a "Lovely husband" and when he goes out in the mornign Head of House takes over where he left off!!
Blossom xx

@themill said...

I expect so many people will relate to this. I defy anyone to claim they got through teenage years without the odd trauma here and there. Argued most with the eldest, but now he's 25 (almost) we get on really well.
Baggy bottomed second son got a fart machine (highly appropriate for him as he is truly disgusting)aged about 8 and at 18 he still causes mayhem with it - that and the fake dog turd.
But when we have a full house and the six of us are around the table, the laughter is magical.

CAMILLA said...

Good Morning Dear Westerwitch,
Husband seems to be not too bad, a slight blip on the Cardiology reading. Will know more later today, thank you again for your concern, and thank you for just BEING THERE FOR ME.
Camilla.xxx

Pondside said...

Good morning Westerwitch - Just read your comment on the Dog posting and had a laugh at your advice to 'poke [the neighbour] in the eye'. That is EXACTLY what my dad would say and I always thought that it was his Cape Breton personality shining through - Cape Bretoners are a tough, feisty and sometimes wry lot. When I was a kid and someone bothered me I got little sympathy from my normally gentle Dad. "Beat the can off them" was his advice! Maybe it's not just a Cape Breton trait but a Scottish trait????

Posie Rosie said...

Fab, fab blog, made me laugh. It also helped a great deal as my lovely daughter has just turned 13 and is growing teenage horns, haven't a clue how to deal with it.... glad to know it will pass and she hasn't undergone a complete personality change. Posie x

Milla said...

Hilarious! But you know what they say about simple pleasures ...
Hope, when the time comes, I, too, will be graceful in letting them go but somehow doubt it. Am contemplating getting the builders to dig out a cellar to lock 'em in so I never have to lose them. The boys that is, not the builders!

Himalayan Blue said...

I have now stopped laughing long enough to comment! I didn't get on at all with my mother until I left home and then we became very close. I recently saw Pirates 3 too ..... ahhhhh Johnny Depp!!!!

The Country Craft Angel said...

I also had missed that you are doing proper blogging-thought you were too busy managing the site.
Really enjoyed this-
I am looking forward to the stage when Idle Jack stops hating me. There are glimmers now that he is great company-so funny. He is 14 and still tels us he loves us....

Made me smile so much as we all went to see Pirates Of carib together and went to Pizza Hut afterwards...no fart machines though!...
warm wishes
xx